Birthday letters

A "happy birthday!" text disappears into the scroll within minutes. A letter doesn't. It sits there, it can be re-read, and it says something a text never does: I sat down and thought about you for a while.

The secret to a birthday letter

It's not about you. It's about them. That sounds obvious, but it's surprisingly easy to write three paragraphs that start with "I" without noticing. A birthday letter should work like a mirror — you're telling this person what you see when you look at them. What they did this year that they probably didn't give themselves credit for. What you'd miss about them if they were gone tomorrow. Most people go their whole lives without hearing that kind of thing said directly to them.

For your partner

Skip the grand romantic declaration and go for the stuff that's actually theirs. The way they are at this specific age. The things they pulled off this year.

For your best friend

Best friend letters are allowed to be funny and sentimental at the same time. Start with something ridiculous you both remember, then say the thing you never actually say out loud.

For your mum or dad

The thing about parents is they spent years doing small thankless things and nobody ever mentions the specific ones. So mention one. A lesson they taught you without realising. A habit of theirs you've caught yourself copying. They'll probably cry. That's fine.

For a child

A birthday letter to your kid is a time capsule. Write down what they're like right now, at this exact age. The words they get wrong. What they're obsessed with this month. What made them laugh until they couldn't breathe. They won't remember any of this later. That's exactly why you should write it down.

Tip: on Waxsealed, hit "Download Receiver .HTML" and you'll get a file that opens offline forever. Tuck it away somewhere. They'll want to read it when they're older.

For someone who's far away

Short messages

Sometimes a full letter isn't the right fit. These work as a stand-alone note or as a P.S.

• "Another year of you. We're lucky."
• "Still the first person I'd call with good news."
• "I hope this year is as kind to you as you are to everyone around you."

One more thing

Send it in the morning. First thing. A birthday letter that's waiting on their phone when they wake up — before the group chats and the Facebook posts — feels completely different from one that arrives at 9 PM. Also: include a photo. An old birthday photo of the two of you, ideally a slightly embarrassing one. That's the whole vibe.